


All That I Want

by wishbear



Category: IT (2017), IT (Movies - Muschietti), IT - Stephen King
Genre: Angst, Eddie’s a really good friend, M/M, Minor StanPat, No Happy Ending (May Change), Richie and Eddie Domestic and Happy, minor reddie, proposal
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-27
Updated: 2020-07-27
Packaged: 2021-03-05 21:46:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,110
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25542313
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wishbear/pseuds/wishbear
Summary: Bill Denbrough thought that he had been making his relationship stronger, not tearing it apart.
Relationships: Bill Denbrough/Mike Hanlon
Comments: 1
Kudos: 13





	All That I Want

Mike’s hands are rough from working all day. The outside feels like the surface of the sun, and yet Mike still refused to go inside, much ignoring Bill’s pleas for him to. It’s not for any special reason, it’s just that he’s crafted his very own surfboard. Bill got his first book published, and the numbers are good. The dream Florida vacation was in Mike’s sights as he painted flowers onto his new board. Bill only came out once or twice to give Mike fresh squeezed lemonade or a kiss on the cheek. But at one point or another, Mike had gotten too sweaty, and Bill didn’t want his lips to be salty. 

But Bill had his reasons to stay inside. Throughout the day, he had called each and every loser, asking for their advice on the biggest thing he’ll ever do in his lifetime. He was going to propose to Mike tonight, that was the plan. Him and Mike had only been together for a year, but there was nothing Bill wanted more than Mike. Bill has had his fair share of relationships, but nothing could be like what him and Mike have. No one was willing to drop everything to dance spontaneously in the messy living room like Mike was. No one made banana bread like Mike. Sometimes Bill thinks he doesn’t deserve him, as Mike had to be sent down to Earth by an angel, but then he reminds himself that he does deserve the best, and that’s what Mike is. Mike was, without a doubt, the best, both inside and out. 

Mike finally comes into the house at exactly 4:02. He’s sweating through his shirt, which is practically stuck to him now. He gives Bill a small wave before jumping in the shower, slowly washing away all the salty sweat he had built up the past five hours. He can hear Bill’s footsteps going up and down the halls. Mike cannot count the number of times he’s asked Bill to get shoes that don’t squeak, but Bill would rather deal with the ugly sneakers he’s had for almost two years now than ever put on something new. He can tell Bill is pacing, but that is not abnormal. He always paces, and it’s always with a purpose. He does it while writing, occasionally, but also when he’s nervous. 

Bill’s currently texting Eddie, who has been rambling about how Richie burnt the spaghetti at their house just moments ago. Normally, he would joke along with Eddie, coming up with as many insults as his mouth could shoot out to defy Richie and his stupidity, but today was different. ‘Shut up about your damn spaghetti and focus, Eddie. I’m asking someone to marry me, we can deal with your boyfriend problems some other time.’

He doesn’t hear back from Eddie, which means Eddie is sufficiently pissed. Bill wants to call Georgie, but Georgie is on college tours, and he doesn’t want to bother him, or bother his parents that are not exactly keen on the idea of him settling down so young anyway. He wants to text Stan, then remembers Stan is on a “no phone for a week” stay-at-home vacation with Patty. Bill would not normally be so against this idea if what he had to do wasn’t so important. 

Mike steps out of the shower and quickly gets dressed for his nice night out. The closet is lined wall to wall with varying amounts of flannel, overalls, fancy clothes, and button ups Bill clearly got in the clearance section of Walmart. Their closet is very much theirs, and it always makes Mike happy to be in there, even if some of Bill’s clothes look like things Richie would wear. The lights flicker slightly, which is the impending reminder that Mike needs to do some things around the house when they get back. And while Mike can’t complain too much about chore work, he does anyway, but not as much as Bill does. 

Bill smiles at Mike as soon as Mike is ready. “Ready to go, Mikey?”

Mike thinks that Bill’s nickname for him is one of his favorite parts of their relationship. It’s not much, Bill himself will even tell you that not much thought was put into it, but it was unique in its own way. And while Richie constantly reminds them that it’s no ‘Eds’, Mike thinks of it as a nice blanket you throw yourself into on a cold day. Comforting. 

They get in the car, and while Bill insists on driving, Mike takes the driver’s seat. It’s not that Mike doesn’t trust him to drive-well, that actually is it. Bill is a notoriously horrible driver, Mike could only compare him to if a five year old managed to get his toy car on the road. 

Mike is surprised when the GPS leads them to Patty’s work instead of the restaurant initially. Not that he doesn’t adore Patty’s planetarium, it’s just the fact that he’s starving and he thinks he may need to eat something before he passes out. 

“Bill, honey, did you put the wrong thing into the GPS?”

Bill shakes his head. “Nope, we guh-gotta take care of something th-th-there real fast.”

Bill mentally kicks himself. He was working so hard on his stutter all the day, praying to god his nerves wouldn’t make things worse for him. He knows Mike doesn’t mind, but there’s still that nagging feeling in him that Mike gets annoyed. 

“Ah, okay. May I ask what?”

“I-It’s a surprise,” Bill says, tapping his foot along to Mitski, which is always Mike’s first choice music-wise. 

Mike pulls in and walks in with him. It’s after hours, and by the looks of it, they have the place to themselves. There’s a picnic blanket along with a basket of food in the middle of the stars, which Bill surprisingly needed no help turning on. Mike smiles, knowing that his boyfriend is so ridiculously cheesy and that he definitely stole this right out of an episode of Friends, which Mike learned a while ago to never criticize.

“Guh-Go ahead and sit down. I have a star show to show you.”

Mike sits down on the blanket, which is most certainly the blanket Stan made them for Thanksgiving last year. Stan makes badass blankets, Mike could get lost on the couch with a good book with a boyfriend and a Stan blanket wrapped around them. 

The stars started to form words, going sentence to sentence that went along in rhythm with ‘Everybody Wants To Rule The World,’ by Tears for Fears, which Bill and Mike had coined as their song about two months into their relationship. 

‘Mikey, it’s only been a year now, but it’s been the best year of my life.

You’ve taught me so many things, told me so many stories.

I’ll never be sick of hearing your stories, and I want to listen to them forever. 

I want you forever. 

I know I sound desperate, maybe even a bit clingy, but hear me out. 

Stan said it best when he professed his love to Patty, that the last piece to the puzzle, which had been missing under the coffee table for years, has finally been found.

You’re the last piece to my puzzle, Mikey.

Forever and always.

I love you, Mike Hanlon, and I need to ask you something. 

Will you marry me?’

Mike whips his head around back to Bill, only to see his boyfriend down on one knee, holding out the prettiest ring Mike thinks he’s ever seen. The world stops to Mike, although the stars are still circling and the song hasn’t stopped playing. Bill’s hands are starting to shake, which means Mike has to muster out an answer, because it’s not fair to keep Bill waiting like this. 

“I...No, Bill...It’s too early.”

The ring drops out of Bill’s hands, and Bill curses as he scrambles to get the light switch and pick it back up. Mike has started to shake violently, knowing he has ruined the best thing that ever happened to him. He turned down a life with Bill Denbrough, and that was on him. And while Mike does feel it’s too early, there’s a part of him that wants to change his answer. But the damage is already done, because Bill picks up the ring and keeps on the brave face he always does when he’s clearly about to fall apart. 

“Th-Th-That’s totally...yeah. I-I shouldn’t have asked, i-i-i-it’s way too early for us, and we don’t h-have much money yet, and...god, I-I-I’m sorry, Mike.”

The ‘Mike’ went through Mike’s heart like a knife. Bill never calls him that, not unless something serious has happened. Mike didn’t know what he was expecting, this was about as slap in the face serious as it could get in a relationship. He doesn’t want to see Bill cry, but he knows it’ll happen. But he won’t cry in front of Mike, he’ll go to his study once he gets home and he won’t come out for a while. He’ll swear up and down he was just working, but Mike knows.

“No, Bill, please don’t apologize. I’m the one who’s sorry, this was such a beautiful idea and I loved it, honey. I love you. And someday I’ll be ready, I promise you. And we can redo this and we can get married and it’s gonna be okay. I just...I don’t think it’s a good idea right now. You just released your book, we’ve got Stan and Patty’s wedding soon, we’ve only been together for a year...let’s cherish our dating days, okay?”

Bill only nods, afraid his stutter will get in the way of him saying anything more. He goes over and sits down on the blanket, biting a chunk of the bread off whole. Mike slowly sits down next to him. It could be worse, but it definitely could be better. They sit and eat silently, as Bill grips onto the blanket like it’s a lifeline, and Mike mentally kicks himself for hurting him. 

What follows is the quietest drive home there’s ever been. Bill is staring out the window almost the entire time, and Mike can’t seem to reach out to put on Mitski or hold Bill’s hand. The somber drive home is soul crushing on both of them, whose souls might as well be fused together by now. 

They get home very soon, although it feels like hours. Bill hurries in, while Mike goes out to the garage to grab a flashlight and his surfboard. The sun is setting, which means there won’t be much daytime left for him to work, but he’d work through the night to avoid seeing Bill’s heartache. 

About ten minutes later, Mike sees Bill go out to his car with a bag. Panic sets in as he runs over. “Where are you going?”

Bill looks up at him, and his eyes are red. Mike hates it so much, so he instinctively hugs him. Nothing is worse than seeing your significant other cry, and it’s even harder when you’re the cause of it. 

“Muh-Mike, I’m spending the night and Richie and Eddie’s.”

He has to leave to get away from Mike. Mike feels like this is the end. 

“Why? You can sleep here! If you thinks it’s gonna be too awkward I can take the cou-”

“Mike. I-I think we need space for a couple days.”

This cannot be happening. 

“...If that’s what you think is best. Call me if you need anything, okay? I love you.”

Bill nods. “I-I love you too.”

That was the thing about Mike and Bill. No argument goes without an “I love you.” They reassure each other of their love every day, there’s nothing that will stop that. Not even this. 

Bill gets in the car and starts to drive away, and Mike almost doesn’t want to go back into the house. The house would be so big and lonely without Bill, even though it’s only a two bedroom one story missing a basement. But Mike goes in anyways, with the dread and sinking feeling that he has ruined his relationship. 

Bill picks himself up Mcdonald’s, which has become cheap comfort food. It’s a Happy Meal though, so he doesn’t scold himself too much. It also comes with a toy frog, which Bill can and will use as a measly thank you gift for Richie and Eddie since they’re letting him stay there for a couple nights. When he finally pulls up to the Kaspbrak-Tozier residence, he takes in the somewhat tacky, yet unique, setup of the house. There’s a couple gnomes outside, along with a cat statue that looked like it had to be painted by none other than Richie Tozier himself. The house is a bright yellow, which Bill knows was not Eddie’s artistic choice. 

He walks up and knocks on the door. Their dog, named Stitches, starts howling as Richie opens the door. 

“...Hey, Big Bill. How are you?”

Bill only shrugs and hands him the toy frog. “A-As a thank you.”

Richie smiles and starts laughing. “Well, I love this gift. But beware, my gremlin of a roommate will probably be pissed that there’s something else to clutter his house with.”

Eddie throws a breadstick at Richie’s head and turns back to the tv, which he is watching with his prissy feline named Patches that Richie is currently at war with. 

“Ow! Asshole!” Richie exclaims, picking the breadstick up off the ground and stuffing it into his mouth. Eddie shakes his head. “You’re disgusting. There’s company.”

“What? It’s only Bill! Bill knows I’m disgusting! Get the stick out of your ass just for tonight, Eds. We’re here to comfort our friend.”

Eddie sighs and nods. “You can help yourself to any leftover pizza. We had to order Pizza Hut since breadstick-head over here can’t cook spaghetti.”

Bill laughs. “N-No thank you, I’ve already had two dinners.”

This is the thing Bill thinks he loves most about Richie and Eddie. They don’t show off to anyone, they don’t act any different around others. They make you feel at home just with their banter. 

“Jeopardy’s on, and I’m kicking Richie’s ass. Wanna watch with us?”

Bill nods and sits down next to Eddie and Patches on the couch. Patches gets up off of Eddie’s lap and curls up on Bill’s, starting to purr. Richie stares at Bill, and then the cat.

“I live with this bitch and she bites my fucking fingers off. But you don’t even live here and she loves you? That cat is Satan’s spawn.”

Eddie rolls his eyes and gestures to the small beagle-basset mix on the floor next to the fireplace. “That’s your animal. Snuggle with him.”

Richie picks up the dog and sits in the recliner, still glaring at Patches, who’s fallen fast asleep on Bill’s lap. They watched Jeopardy for a while, and much to Eddie’s demise, Bill got more questions right and effectively beat him. 

“You definitely cheated,” Eddie says, grabbing extra pillows for Bill from the closet. 

Bill shrugs. “I-I’m just that good, Eddie.”

Eddie groans and hands him the pillows. “Guest room is upstairs, first door to your right. Let me know if you need anything.”

“...Actually, I do need something. C-Can I have some advice?”

Eddie stops. “...Oh. Yeah, no problem. What’s up?”

“...I don’t want this relationship to b-be over, you know? Luh-Like, this can't be the end of it...but I feel like I-I ruined it.”

Eddie sighs and sits back down on the couch with him. “Do not tell Richie I’m telling you this story, but a while ago, when Richie asked me to move in with him, I had initially said no. And he was in the same place you're in, he ran off to Stan and Patty’s worried sick that he had ruined everything. But he hadn’t, I obviously still love him. It was just too fast for my liking. That’s the thing about it, just because he said no doesn’t mean he loves you any less. But these next couple of days will be key in how the rest of this will unfold. You need to talk it out with him, have a real heart to heart and figure out everything you need to figure out. If you’re meant to be with him, things will fall into place.”

Bill slowly nods and hugs Eddie, feeling like the weight has been lifted off his shoulder. “Th-Thank you, Eddie…”

Eddie smiles and hugs back. “Of course! Now, get some rest. Try to talk to him in the morning.”

Bill runs up to his room and texts Mike, asking him to meet him at the park tomorrow. He goes to sleep with the feeling that everything will be okay, as Mike goes to sleep with the opposite thoughts. 

When they meet up at the park the next day, Mike’s usual optimism has been replaced with a rushing feeling of pessimism. It’s practically radiating off of him as Bill walks over to him.

“Hey, I just w-wanted to-”

“Bill...let me speak. I know I ruined this relationship. I know that by saying no, I hurt you very deeply. I take full responsibility for it, and I’m truly sorry. That’s why I’m also taking the weight of the ending of this relationship off your shoulders. I know you’re here to break up with me, because I have never seen you look as hurt as you were the minute I said no. That kind of hurt…I don’t want to be the cause of it. This is the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do, but it’s what’s needed. I love you Bill, and I’m so sorry. I hope the next person really does say yes, because they’re going to be so lucky.”

Bill hasn’t even noticed that he’s started to cry. This was so much worse than being rejected. “Th-That’s not why I asked you to come today! Puh-Please don’t think that, M-M-Mikey!”

Mike only shakes his head and starts to walk away. Bill’s calling Mike’s name, but Mike can’t seem to hear him, too busy in thought maybe. 

Bill doesn’t know if or when he’s going to be able to fix this mess, but it’s certainly not today. The grief starts to build up in Bill’s chest as he slowly sits down on the bench and starts to cry. 

Just like that, Bill had ruined it. Just like that, Mike had ruined it. Both men leave the park blaming themselves for an incident that happens to be neither of their faults.

**Author's Note:**

> So yeah. I feel like you people are going to want a second part, and I’ll happily give you one that has a nice ending as long as you want it. But if you really want to be hurt you’ll probably just wanna stick with this one, because if I happen to write another part it will be tooth achingly sweet.


End file.
